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Essay correction for Pre-1 Grade (1) (親記事) - Takeshi

TOPIC: Pre-1 Grade ( 2021-3 )

Should people stop using goods that are made from animals?

POINTS
Animal rights
Endangered species
Product quality
Tradition

[ Two points / 120 -150 words ]

[添削例]

(ポイント1）文を引き締める
(ポイント2) 具体→抽象

I think that people should use goods that are made from animals. There are two reasons.

First, these days there are food that are made from animals and some of them are a traditional foods. If people stop using animal, the food taste will be bad and people won’t stop using it. Also if we don’t eat animal meat or something, our body will become unhealthy so we should keep eating it.

Second, if we stop using that are made from animals, the product quality that are made from animal will be worst. Most of the product that are made from animal are better than the unnaturally things and many people uses the things that are made from animals now so we can’t stop using it suddenly.

From these reasons I think that people should use goods that are made from animals.

_____________________________

I do not think people have to stop using goods that are made from animals.

First, there are many different kinds of traditional foods made from animal products. For example, many Asian or European dishes are cooked with milk or eggs, which enhances the taste and flavors. If people are not allowed to use animal products for food, they cannot serve their traditional food, and those who work in the food industry might lose their jobs. In addition, food cooked with animal meat contains important nutrients for our body, which can help us stay healthy.

Second, most of the items made from animals are better quality than those made from artificial ingredients. For instance, bags or shoes made of leather are strongly built and cannot easily break down. Although these products are more expensive than those made from plastics, they can be used for many years, which can help reduce the amount of waste that people produce.

For these reasons, I do not believe that it is necessary for people to stop using good made from animals.

[No.2028] 2022/05/26(Thu) 18:31:56

Essay writing for 2nd Grade (2021-1) (No.2028への返信 / 1階層) - Takeshi

TOPIC: 2nd Grade (2021-1)

It is often said that restaurants and supermarkets should try to reduce the amount of food that they throw away. Do you agree with this opinion?

POINTS:
Cost
Health and safety
The environment

[ Two reasons / 80-100 words ]

I agree that restaurants and supermarkets should try to reduce the amount of food that they throw away.

First, they need to make a little more efforts to protect the environment. Burning garbage can release a large amount of carbon dioxide into the air and cause pollution, which is bad for the environment. If they reduce the amount of waste they produce, they can save nature.

Second, they can reduce the cost for their business. For example, they can save time and money if they stop throwing away the food they cook or sell. By doing so, their customers can buy or eat the food more cheaply.

This is why I agree with this opinion.

______________________________________________________________

[ phrases ]

be good [ bad ] for the environment [ health ]

the garbage [ waste ] people create [ produce / make ]

release pollution [ carbon dioxide ] into the air

lead to [ stop ] global warming

[No.2030] 2022/05/27(Fri) 18:04:39

Essay correction for Pre-1 Grade (2) (No.2028への返信 / 1階層) - Takeshi

TOPIC: Pre-1 Grade ( 2021-2 )

Is it beneficial for workers to change jobs often?

POINTS
Career goals
Motivation
The economy
Working conditions

[ Two points / 120 - 150 words ]

I think that it is beneficial for workers to change jobs often.

First, when people work in a same place for a long time, motivation will rise down. It is said that if people do same things many times it will be bored. But, if we change jobs often, we can always do different things so every day will be exciting. Also, trying many types of jobs is good because we can get a lot of technic and can know how the economy moves.

Second, when there is a people that you don’t like, you can change job and go out from there. For example when there is a boss that you hate, you can go to another company and work.

For these reasons. I think that it is beneficial for workers to change jobs often.

___________________________________________________

[添削例]

I think that it is beneficial for workers to change jobs often.

Firstly, workers keep motivated to work hard by changing jobs many times. Most people get bored if they have to do the same thing everyday. However, changing jobs gives them opportunities to work in the different working environment. Moreover, they can also learn new skills, which will help them move up to higher positions.

Secondly, workers can find better working conditions suited to their lifestyle. Some people prefer to work night shifts, while others would rather work during the day. Similarly, those who would like to work as a team could find a workplace where they can interact with many co-workers. Therefore, changing jobs allows them to work in the better working environment, which helps increase their job satisfaction.

For these reasons, I believe workers can benefit from changing jobs many times.

[No.2031] 2022/05/28(Sat) 12:45:46

Essay writing for 2nd Grade (2021-3) (No.2030への返信 / 2階層) - Takeshi

TOPIC: 2nd Grade ( 2021-3 )

Today in Japan, many buildings and areas have a lot of lights for decoration, such as the lights used during Christmas. Do you think this is a good idea?

POINTS
Safety
The environment
Tourism

[ Two reasons / 80 to 100 words ]

[ Introduction ]
I do not think that it is a good idea that many buildings and areas have a lot of lights for decoration.

[ Body 1 ]
Firstly, it is a waste of energy. For example, some lights for decoration during the Christmas season are kept on throughout the night, when there are only a few people outside.

[ Body 2 ]
Secondly, it is bad for the environment. In order to generate [ produce ] electricity for lights, natural resources, such as oil, coal, and natural gas, are being used, which releases carbon dioxide and pollution into the air, leading to global warming.

[ Conclusion ]
For these reasons, I do not believe using too many light for decoration is good for society.

( Total 109 words )

____________________

[1] Introductionでessay topicをはっきり明記して主張( agree / disagree ) を述べる。

準2級の場合は、Yes, I do ( No, I don't think so ) など省略してもよい。

[2] 2つの独立したパラグラフでそれぞれ異なるポイント (reason) を明記して、更にもう一文でポイントを支える ( = supporting idea )

準2級の場合もsupporting ideaがそれぞれのpointに対して必要。

[3] Conclusionをつける。

Introductionをほぼ同じようにコピーしても構わない。

準2級の場合は、Conclusionがなくてもよい。

[No.2032] 2022/05/29(Sun) 19:05:28

Essay correction for Pre-1 Grade (3) (No.2031への返信 / 2階層) - Takeshi

TOPIC: Pre-1 Grade (2021-1)

Agree or disagree: Big companies have a positive effect on society

PONTS
Products
The economy
The environment
Work-life balance

[ Two points / 120-150 words ]

I think that big companies have a positive effect on society.

First, in big companies they make a lot of products by once so it’s will be cheap. When it is cheap, many people will buy it and people can make much more better product from that money. Also, big company can make a good product so they can make our life more convenient.

Second, working at big company can make work-life balance good. At small company there are less worker so people have to work more than big company and their life balance will be bad. For example, if you compare Google and a small company most people thinks Google workers work-life balance are better than it.

From these reasons, I think that big company have a positive effect on society.

[添削例]

I think it is true that big companies have some positive effects on society.

First, big companies can create high-quality products that make our lives more convenient. Since they have enough funds and human resources to invest in the latest technology, they are more likely to develop products that improve the quality of our lives. Moreover, many people are attracted to buy such products, which helps improve the economy.

Second, big companies can play an important role in improving work-life balance in society. Most employees working for large companies, for example, are allowed to take two days off a week and discouraged from working overtime, so they can have enough time to spend with their family or friends. As a result, smaller companies are also influenced by them and encouraged to do the same thing, making the working conditions better for their employees as well.

For these reasons above, I agree that big companies have positive effects on society.

[ phrases ]

improve ..... = make .... better

be encourage to do / be discouraged from ...ing

[No.2033] 2022/06/01(Wed) 17:15:51

Essay correction for Pre-1 Grade (4) (No.2033への返信 / 3階層) - Takeshi

TOPIC: Pre-1 ( 2018-2 )

Should Japan do more to protect its historic sites?

POINTS
Cost
Development
Education
Tourism

[[ I believe that Japan should do more to protect its historic sites.
I have two reasons to support my opinion.

The first reason is that children should see real historic sites for education.
They can learn history by some pictures, but They can learn history more effective to see real historic sites.
Therefor Japanese elementary school go to some historic sites to study about traditional skills and cultures.

The second reason is that many tourists come to Japan every year from all over the world.
Seeing historic sites is one of their aids and there are many historic places in Japan.
Japan has a lot of assets for tourism so we have to protect historic places for tourists

These reasons above, I believe that Japan should do protect its historic sites. ]]

______________________________________________

[添削例]

I think Japan should do more to protect its historic sites.

First, children can learn a lot by visiting historic sites. For example, the old capital city of Kyoto has a wide variety of traditional temples and shrines, where children can learn how people in the past lived and what belief they had back in those days. Therefore, it is important to preserve the historic sites for children's education.

Second, more preservation effort needs to be made to promote tourism. Many people, not only within the country but also from all over the world, are attracted to visit historically famous places in Japan. When those tourists visit such historic sites, they spend a lot of money there, staying in hotels or eating at restaurants. As a result, many people are hired to serve them, which helps improve the local economy.

[No.2034] 2022/06/02(Thu) 17:46:00